Friday, December 2, 2011

.my girl, a letter to you.

My Bella,

Yesterday I lost my best buddy. You. 
As I sit here this morning and cry, I keep thinking that you are going to pop your sweet little red head around the corner to give me some love. You really hated to see me cry. I keep thinking you are going to push your cold, wet nose into my hand for a head rub and a snuggle. You really loved mornings, it was when you were most cuddly. And we cuddled so many mornings. My sweet red haired ginger and I.
Well, it's morning. And you're not here....

You and I really were two peas in a pod. I think I spent the most time with you out of anyone. Taking walks, sharing food -  you really loved to eat my meal most, cuddling on our bed, watching chick-flicks when your poppa had to work late at night, allowing me to play photographer with you, listening to me vent when I was upset {I think people thought I was crazy talking to a dog, but I really think you 'got it'}, and of course your favorite - playing catch - actually, you liked your dad best for that one {which secretly made me so happy. You and he playing together. It was precious}. You really just knew how to hang out with me and I don't think I ever realized just how much your presence meant to me till now. 

I honestly don't think I've cried so much in my entire life. I haven't really felt loss before with the exception of my grandfathers, but I was still so young then, and this just feels different. You were my girl. My baby. We were together almost 24/7. My heart was not prepared for this. I feel empty, hollow, and raw. I miss you.

I do however, know that we made the right decision. You were in pain and suffering, and I just couldn't put you through that. I know you were holding on for our sakes, and that wasn't fair to make you feel like you needed to be the strong one. But that was what you always were, the strong one. The one that made our little family so much better than it was before. So much stronger. So much more love.

Bella, you will forever be in our hearts. I will never stop missing my sweet ginger pup. It will be in quiet moments, like when I am sitting on the couch that I will remember you looking up at me from the floor with your sweet chocolate eyes after you have rested your head on my leg, or when 4 pm comes around and it was your favorite - feeding time! Or when your dad and I argue over something silly, I will remember how just the presence of you would calm us down. And when those glorious mornings arrive and you just want some real love cuddles. I will always remember those moments. 

You, my bella girl, will always be a part of my sunny mornings. And I love you for that.

Be safe my girl. I love you.

xoMomma.
My Beautiful Girl.
Getting some love from your Poppa. xo
...and some love from momma.
Bella. xo. My sweet ginger girl.

13 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet dog. My parents have a dog that looks just like her ... she is getting old, can't walk so well, has epilepsy and we know she soon will be gone. Sounds like she had a great life, though, and she is in a better place now. Peace, love and hugs to you.

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  2. To lose a true friend is never easy. She left an amazing world with you to an even better one! Know that I am sending you all my love and thinking of you during this sad time....

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  3. I am so sorry to hear this, I too have a golden and I know the special connection you talk of. It sounds like she was a very well loved talk.
    Thinking of you,
    Joanne

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  4. sorry..I meant "dog"
    -Joanne

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  5. so sorry for your loss Erinn and Peter........I know how dear to our hearts our pets are.

    love
    Teresa

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  6. This was a beautiful letter! I too have a special dog and this sweet letter brought tears to my eyes. Dogs are guardian angels!
    This reminds me of this quote " Until one has loved an animal, a part of ones soul remains unawakened"- Anatole France

    My thoughts are with you!
    -heather

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  7. Can't stop crying :( I am SO sorry Erinn. She was a beautiful dog. I love that picture of you hugging her, she looks SO happy. But she really is in a better place now, no pain, no discomfort. And with you always xoxox

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  8. This really means nothing, I'm sure, coming from a stranger, but I am so, so sorry for your loss. My Golden is getting a little light around the eyes and I tear up just thinking about the inevitable end.

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  9. I'm so sorry for your loss....it's so hard to lose a pet. You never really realizes what a big part of your life they were until they are gone. Just look to all the amazing memories you had with her because those will be with you always. I thought this poem was really beautiful & made me happy when I lost my little pup: http://www.lgd.org/library/kipling.htm

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  10. So sorry for your loss. Pets are such a huge part of a family. Thinking of you. Big fan of your blog:)

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  11. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine... Fur babies get right in your heart and stay there. Remember, all dogs go to heaven :)

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  12. We lost our golden 'Willy' in March of this year. It has been so difficult - I still tear up when talking about him or seeing pictures. I am so sorry for your loss....

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  13. I am so sorry. It leaves such a hole in your heart, I know. I wish you healing and sweet, sad smiles over precious memories of your so-very-loved girl.

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